Not saying anything: Is that lying?

Today is my 20 week anatomical ultrasound. Since I do not want to find out the sex of this baby–I’m not inviting my husband to this appointment. Why?
Because he wants to know the sex of the baby.

I don’t think it’s too much to ask, to not find out the sex of the baby and request that my husband does not either. However, inviting him to the ultrasound would require persuasion on the ultrasound tech to do as I say. Since the rules are foggy to me, as to what kind of parental rights my husband has as to whether he can know something about my body that I don’t – I’ve decided to not hassle with “trusting” the ultrasound tech at all. Knowing my husband, he would slip them a bill and get his way.
But, I mean – come on.
He is not allowed to know something that I do not. He would hold it over my head and play games for the next 19 weeks. He would drive me to the brink of insanity.
I’m just not into that.
I have never in my life felt so strongly about something as I do about not finding out the sex of this baby. Maybe because it’s my 3rd and I have one of each. Maybe because it’s my 3rd and final baby. Maybe because there’s no greater surprise God can give you. Maybe because I have enough baby things in both genders to be covered. Maybe because I kinda know it’ll be a boy. But certainly because I’m having a Cesarean section and they’re scary enough that I need something to look forward to.
So, I just didn’t tell my husband when my appointment was…

and now I feel guilty.



Update: after much thought and lots of feelings of guilt-I called Mr. Eaglin around noon and told him about the appointment. I threatened harm if he tried to find out the sex of the baby…he laughed. I stressed the fact that it was very important to me to not find out…he laughed. I threatened to cancel the appointment if he would not comply with what I wanted…he laughed. I threatened no sex…he said OK.


8 responses

  1. Awww Desiree! I believe that when you’re pregnant, it is indeed your body and your choice of what to know/what to share with other people. It’s been years since I was pregnant, but I remember it even bugged me when strangers would pat or rub my belly. What’s that, for good luck? What am I, a Buddha? 🙂 …anyway, please feel comfortable with your choice. I’m sure your husband will understand.

  2. I didn’t want to know gender either and fortunately, my husband felt the same way. As much as your husband wants to know, I wonder if his feelings are as strong as yours. (Probably not–you’re pregnant, duh!)

    I guess I’m saying that I think your feelings trump his in this case. But I’d probably feel guilty too.

    Husband of Desiree–if you read her blog, let this one go. Let the anticipation of not knowing build. Maybe she’s right, maybe she’s wrong. But in the end, she has to get the Cesarean. Just give her this one.

    Take care.

  3. But he isn’t a stranger. Yes it is your body, but it is also his baby. He has a right to know anything and everything about the baby. Yes lying by omission is still lying.

  4. Tough one, Desiree…Here’s a funny thing: I wanted a surprise with both of my babies. The first time, the doctor mistakenly told me the gender. The second time the ultrasound tech slipped and said it. Ah, well…they were both healthy so either way it was fine with me.
    Good luck with everything!

  5. This is a great post!!! I feel torn with you! I get why you would do that, but I also understand why you would feel guilty. I guess you were being deceptive, and that is part of lying :-/ – but like I said, I totally get it.

  6. I don’t understand the not wanting to know the gender because I LOVED knowing!! 🙂 But I will forgive you. I do understand that it is your body, your pregnancy and your choice. Just because he’s your husband and half his chromosomes, your wishes trump in this case. If you were hiding something more dangerous or hurtful, it would be a different story.

    It’s a surprise not a secret!

  7. I love this article! I thought I was going to not want to find the gender of my last little guy, but when we went into the room I could not resist needing to know. I can’t wait to find out what you decide to do. 🙂

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