It’s not you I can’t stand…it’s your online personality I can’t stand

Let’s confer here in this space of sarcasm, comedy and honesty that some people just don’t get “it” when it comes to social media connections and general online etiquette. Am I right or am I right? For some reason, some people just can’t seem to figure out how to use social media to come across online in a way that is socially acceptable and honestly it’s as if they’re stumbling blind in the dark.

Here is a list of the most obnoxious online personalities I encounter on a daily basis that just drive me insane.

The Whiner-everything sucks to these people. They never seem to get a break and everything they write ends with a FML.

The self soother-they create status updates meant to cheer themselves and lift themselves up. Reading them is like reading their self-help diary.

The quoter-I like quotes. You like quotes. So do these people, obviously. Because ““Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making quotes.” – Desiree Eaglin

The confused emphasis YELLER-The person who can’t figure out how TO capitalize the right WORDS.

The YELLER-the person that YELLS about EVERYTHING. Even if it’s just to say that THEY WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE AND RAN INTO SAMMY.

The diarrhea-Every thought that enters these people’s heads end up on social media.

The comedian-They only think they’re funny.

The bragger-their husband is the best, their kids are the smartest, their vacations are lavish, their lives are fantastic. (I think they’re just lying)




The mobile paparazzi-they take blurry mobile pictures of any and everything throughout their day and post them. It’s instagram hell.

The party girl/boy-they’re constantly talking about “partying” and how “wasted” they got. I hate them…but only because I’m jealous.

Polly Pocket of Sunshine-they! are! happy!…and! they’re! not! afraid! of! letting! everyone! know! it!!!!

The Linker-they link everything, stuff they read, stuff their sister read, stuff their dog read, stuff their neighbors sisters cousin read.

The friend collector-they have 1,500 friends on facebook and they’ve friend requested you but only because you sat next to each other in the cafeteria once in middle school, so you must be connected right?

The blessed-they’re blessed for their lives, they’re blessed for their friends, they’re blessed for their husbands/wives, they’re blessed for their breakfast. In case you missed it, these people are blessed.

The vain-they post 5,000 self pictures of themselves. They have an album titled “me” and it’s just that: them…and that’s it, no friends, no kids, no pets-just pictures of them.




The shy-they don’t have any pictures of themselves found anywhere online. It’s like they’re a ghost and you wonder if it’s really Jenny you’re talking to and not Fred the 50 year old hairy pervert.

The lame commentor-you’re happy and you’re not afraid of saying it, but then some person swoops in and craps all over it.

The Emo-the obvious cry for help that makes you wonder if you should call the authorities.





The cliff hanger-they start to imply something but then…stop. They want to lead you on and make you ask what’s up.

The passive aggressive-they don’t have the balls to say it to your face, so they say it through their status update.

The question asker-they ask questions about how ‘everyone’s’ weekend was, what ‘everyone’ had for dinner, what ‘everyone’ is doing for new years…

The ignorer-they ask a question or make a statement that seems to need an answer, so gullible people answer but then the ignorer doesn’t acknowledge that person even exists.

The MOM-they are a mom and they want you to know it. It’s all about their kids. Pictures of their kids, status updates about their kids, quotes from their kids, videos…of their kids.


I know these made you laugh, because you know, you know some of them…or better yet you are some of them. Do you have any more obnoxious online personalities to add?


23 responses

  1. I think that just about sums up everyone on Facebook.

    I’ve have issues with the ones that fart and post. They feel the need to update us on every single detail of their ultimate boring life. Checking in 5 times a day to tescos is really of no interest to anyone.

    Great post. 😉

  2. I think you’ve covered the entire list! Very funny! I think the worst are the “ignorer” who ask a question to get people to leave comments, but really have no interest in the answers and the “shy” are odd too–why be on FB if you can’t show your photo???? But, FB makes us all guilty of at least one of these offenses at one time or another:)

  3. Oh yes I do see myself described in that there list (a few times perhaps) and I agree FB makes us all guilty of at least a few of these offenses at one time or another.

    Here’s one to add to your list…how ’bout the person that posts and then gets upset when someone does comment on said post…..I kinda feel like “then don’t post if you aren’t looking for feedback, isn’t that the “purpose” of posting ?”

  4. Love this Desire!. We all know someone (or many someones) who fall into a category (or many categories) and I’m sure that I’ve fallen into a few categories here and there (Polly Pocket full of sunshine and The Blessed, and who knows what else!). As far as blogging and being on FB, Twitter, etc., I just make sure I stay true to who I am and act the exact same way I would act in person, just like Maribel said in the comment above, and try to balance out what I post or write about.

  5. OMG. I’m half of these. I’m going to go hide in a closet now. Right after I share this on Facebook. I think you need a graphic to go with that can be tagged. Except that could get nasty!

  6. I’m really struggling with social media lately, especially since I’ve gotten more involved on twitter and blogging. When is it appropriate to comment without feeling “stalkerish” or when to let things slide and go. LOL *ugh*

    I use to be horrible on facebook, but have since learned my ways, and backed off profusely. And don’t get me started on the “woe me” people!!!

  7. Here’s another facebook “personality” type: I don’t have a facebook account and I want everyone who does have one to know that I think I’m superior BECAUSE I don’t and that you’re all fucking vain, self-centered, narcissistic idiots and your lives and privacy are now forfeit thanks to that self-serving, conniving, thieving little prick Zuckerberg. YOU ARE the product. Alanis Morrissette would say, “Isn’t that ironic?” She probably has a facebook account too. Lick taint Alanis, lick taint.

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